fetid...

       i'm not sure what it is with the sudden influx of posts. relatively speaking, of course. i've been trying to write more, so i guess that could be part of it. this is definitely a more inspirational time of year. also, my creativity tends to come in spurts following a dry spell. the end of chapter four is on the horizon. found someone to read it, too, to tell me if i'm wasting my time. my pastor, actually. i told him a long time ago that i was writing, and he's been keeping tabs on it ever since, always asking me how it's coming along and such. i've now told several people, which i'm beginning to regret. but i sort of did it for the same reasons why i regret doing it. if people know about it and are expecting it, it will be harder for me to quit on it. now i have several people asking about it. drives me crazy. no, i'm not finished yet. no, you will probably never read it. no, i won't tell you what it is about. i thought about throwing it away tonight, actually. at this point, though, that's starting to feel like it would be an abortion. just let a little air in. (now how many people would see the hemingway reference just there? yeah, that's how crazy i am). i'm seriously doubting my parental abilities, though. fortunately/unfortunately, however you see it, the little bugger is still alive and kicking me in the groin. or it could be some fear about that whole showing an unfinished work thing. crap.

       so i've been on a personality test kick. i did it on facebook, so i'll do it here, too, for the, like, two people who read this that aren't on facebook. so the other two of you have already taken it and need not worry. go here. do it. especially rora. i'm curious about you. tell me the letters. thisis what they mean. as for me, i am:

You Are An INFJ
The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

       that's the short, blogthings version. the two linked above are the scientific ones. and, believe it or not, they're pretty dang accurate. check it out. anyway, i'm laughing at this thing here that says "independent." i'm a regular old pendulum on that one. thing is, i think i really am independent. just have too many dang issues. and it tells me i don't stray from my vision. definitely wanted to do that tonight. and infinite is a relative term when it comes to patience with roommates, i think.

       spring break is going to chew me up and spit me back out a shapeless, murky-brown colored, lifeless lump of loneliness (how's that for alliteration?). i'll try to stay positive, shall i? yes, all things considered, i think that is being positive.

       independence is nice until you love someone. then everything gets all screwed up. currently trying to decide if it's worth the hassle.

       well, for those of you fortunate enough to still have a spring break, i wish you well and have fun. retroactive, of course, if you've already had it or are currently having it. as for the rest of you, well, um... sorry. you're stuck with listening to me. well, no, i guess you're not, really. the fun starts tomorrow.

       man, it's almost two in the morning. i should try that new therapy...what was it called? sleep? yes, that's it. ok. later.