and so closes another chapter...

       i've just finished chapter four. it has officially been two years and four months since i've started this project, and i'm just finishing chapter four. sad. welp, i guess this means i get to go on to five, though. man, i have to tell you...i'm kinda getting excited and wondering how this thing is going to end. it's taking me in strange directions, not at all like i imagined. but at the same time, quite oddly, it's exactly like i imagined. i know that doesn't make sense. before i begin the next, though, i'm going to venture into scary ground and send my baby out into the void to decide whether or not it should be aborted. oh my, no it's not so horrible as that. i don't know. i need opinion. at this point i really need a reality check, someone to tell me if i'm wasting my time on this or if i should continue. i've had one serious offer, from my pastor of all people. well, he's my pastor, but he's not much older than me and i've known him forever and he's a really cool guy. tears up a soccer field. he and his wife have had a baby (a little over a year ago now), so he's been reading a lot of children's books and has been really getting into them, asking me for recommendations. he's always been checking up on my book, though, and encouraging me, and he finally said that he wanted to read it if i wanted an opinion. so i'm nervous as heck, but here goes. wish me luck.

       i'm officially not getting as much accomplished as i would have liked. it's only tuesday night, though. still immensely enjoying the break. went for one of my ten mile walks yesterday and loved it, but it had certainly been a long time since i've gone that far. might do it again tomorrow if i get some things done. this has been a really good opportunity for me to gain a little perspective on things, though the problems still exist. they probably always will. i've been reading "walking on water" by madeleine l'engle, though, which has really spoken to me. when i read that book i feel like i was meant to be an artist. kinda sounds a little funny, i know, but it really is giving me hope, which i'm definitely not going to laugh at. i've felt so... out of place. but i think i'm beginning to understand why. rora, i recommend it. i have the one with the foreword by nichole nordeman, one of my favorite musicians, who adds a really cool perspective to it.

       anyway, i think i'm going to try to go to bed at a relatively decent hour tonight. haha. it might happen. oh, wait, it's already 12:30. oops. well, stay classy, xangaland.