the friend...

       it's after eleven and no one's online and no one's at home. except me. well, i was talking to our former exchange student, troy (from australia) for a little while, but it's like two in the afternoon there, so that doesn't really count. i kinda want to be depressed and i kinda want to be away from everyone. but at the same time i don't at all. but it's me, so of course here i am in my room, typing away on xanga.

       three people i knew died this week. one wasn't as sad (still sad), but he was older and somehow death seems more peaceful when you're old. one was the older brother of a good friend of mine that i grew up with. i didn't really know him very well, but it's still sad for the family and he even had a young daughter. the last was a kid a few years younger than me who went to the same school as me. a perfectly healthy guy, he just passed out at work and didn't make it to the hospital. similar to how my friend jake died a few years ago. i don't really handle these things very well. i didn't really know these people, but it's still sad. the horrible thing is that when i heard about them i just thought that it wasn't fair. not that they died, but that i was still here. anyone else besides me think i'm a terrible person now? how selfish could i be? the kicker is, i still think it.

       i have no idea what God is doing, but i hope that he does.

       well, i'm going to go watch some old episodes of frasier. laughing is a good thing. later.