hunger...

       what's the longest you've gone without eating? on the way to lunch the other day i was stopped on the sidewalk by a man named steve. steve was in his late fifties, or at least he looked like it, with several days' white stubble and deep creases all around his face, and it looked like he was wearing most of the clothes he owned. he was a little slow of speech, but he had a firm handshake and bright eyes. he asked me if i knew where a certain music club was. i didn't. said he was going to play the blues in his own special way--a way, he said, that i'd never heard before. he asked me to join him. i was hungry and in a slight hurry, so i declined his offer and told him why. he kinda gave me a funny look then asked, "what's the longest you've gone without eating?" i laughed because i didn't know what else to say and because i didn't quite catch the gravity of the situation. when i looked to him again, though, he was half-way down the street.

       one block down the road, at uprise bakery, i sat at the bar because the place was packed and it was the only spot with any elbow room (and, let's face it, i'm not one to get too close to strangers). just as the waitress brought my food--grilled cheese with mushroom and barley soup--a young woman three stools down spoke up: "is that the mushroom and barley soup?" i replied the affirmative. "that looks soo good," she said. i agreed. "my mom makes soup just like that," she continued. "i miss her--she's really cool. she's an amazing cook." we continued to chat between bites, she carrying much of the conversation. ok, pretty much all of it. i was interested, but still more interested in my lunch. she talked some more of her mother and of food, then we spoke a little about film. there had been a film festival in town recently that she had volunteered for. she talked about how different the films are from the usual hollywood fare--how these ones were more capable of feeding you intellectually.

       that's about when i started to see a very strange pattern in that little lunch break. whether there was some point i was supposed to grasp, or if i was just particularly famished that day, i'm not sure. but it made me think. what is it that i'm hungry for? what satisfies me? lately i've been searching so desperately for change, but i don't even know what i'm looking for. is it in music? in food? in companionship? in more intellectual pursuits? i have a craving, but i can't quite figure out what it is.

       what are you hungry for?