time is so short and i'm sure there must be something more...

       i wonder how many posts i've written from this place. double meanings aside, i'm sitting in my favorite library, ellis. favorite doesn't quite feel like the right word anymore. it's like a "same house, different people" type of thing. what made it special is long gone, even though that was never here at the library, i guess. maybe it's me--a different perspective, a different life. don't worry, it's not really making sense to me either. little does. kinda tired right now anyway--went to bed late, got up early. don't expect much of what you read here to make sense.

       long time no post, eh? you'd thank me for that if you knew what i would have posted. you'd probably thank me not to post this one either. let's catch you up to speed on the last couple months, though: hmm... don't remember most of it. i didn't sleep much, but it sure feels like i did a lot of sleep walking. some highlights, though--war with ryan in mid-september was a blast. some of the most fun i've had in a long time, even though i'm hopeless at it, as i am with most things. yeah, that's all i can remember of september at the moment. october brought the rcm olympics to columbia. i was roped into doing the cooking again, and this time for about 100 people. super duper crazy, but it was a good time. had lots of good help. or at least that's what i say in public places. ;) started working at a sandwich shop last week, which wich. i'll still eat there, so that's saying something. i get something very close to minimum wage and it's not at all what i want to be doing with my life, but i guess i don't have a f-ing clue about what's happening with that anyway so this works for now. at least it's something, but i'm still not terribly excited about that. nice people, though. that's about it. no solid plans for halloween yet, which means it will probably be just me and maybe one other carving pumpkins and... well, that'll probably be it. how about you? big parties? can i come?

       remember when it rained...

       i'm very much ready to be getting on with the next phase of my life. except i feel like i'm in one of those old mario levels of bowser's castle, where the screen moves forward and you have to keep up or... you lose. maybe that's not quite it. maybe it's more like those platforms that fall when you stand on them for too long. you have to jump to the next, but you can't see it or it's just a little farther than you can jump. and you wonder if it would be so bad if you just stayed on the one you're on and fell with it...

       unh. i shouldn't be thinking like this...

       i just realized that the titles of my public site show up blue in firefox but orange in explorer, at least on this computer (it's a mac--go figure). that doesn't make much sense. is it like that for any of you other firefox users out there? i don't remember what it looks like from my computer, but i don't remember having problems with it either. xanga isn't very firefox friendly. i always have to post a new ...er... post from ie or it doesn't look quite right.

       question for you guys. dave, don't answer, but i already know yours anyway. so that means i might get one answer, but oh well. seems like a silly question, but i'm asking anyway: what is love? (baby don't hurt me). heh. seriously, though... what is love? don't give me scripture. i know what that says. tell me what it means from your perspective, from your experience. what does it mean to love someone? and are there different kinds of love or is it all just ... love?  what do you think? part two of that question: is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? why?

       ok, that'll do. lunch with ryan, then back here for some writing (hopefully) and some reading. keep me in your prayers, please. you're in mine. yeah. later.