ramblin' man...

       i feel like i've been ripped up into a thousand pieces and taped back together with the cheap wal-mart brand that is only barely sticky enough, like i might scatter at the slightest wind. oh, but i'm fine. so. time for a real (quick) update, maybe?

       i'm becoming exceedingly efficient at alienating people. and of course i continue to fall for only those who will not have me. sometimes it's enough to almost make me wish i was straight, but even then i really don't think my luck would improve even if the odds did. i'm nearly convinced that aphrodite has it out for me.

       i've been writing again, sort of. the work continues at least. it feels like piecing together a puzzle that hasn't been printed yet, and you know that when you finish there will be a picture, but it's a sort of grab bag of whether that picture will be at all pleasing or meaningful. the analogy that many writers make of the process as childbirth is beginning to make sense in a mad sort of way. i'm kinda terrified of this thing growing in my mind. and at the same time it seems to be making me even more crazy and emotional, etc., etc. and i've barely started writing it yet.

       there's a very tiny chance that i might be moving somewhere interesting in the not-so-distant future. way too soon to say anything about it here, though. right now it's more of a pipe dream than anything else. i latched onto the idea a little too quickly, i'm afraid, and it seems suddenly many of my hopes are resting on such a flimsy chance. i hadn't realized that i needed out of here so badly. the idea of a new life is far too enticing.

       hope you're all well. i'm off to read a little before bed. big day at my so very pointless job tomorrow.