curse the wind...
i'm not handling things very well right now. i'll be the first to say it. had a few life upheavals this summer and i'm still trying to find my footing. it's been three months. then in the last couple weeks i've been trying to get over a stubborn eye infection, started back at my first job, my computer has been acting up (i'm really hoping it will last just another month), and then tonight i was on my way to hang out with this guy i've been kinda seeing (sporadically -- tonight he was going to take me out on the town for my first kansas city gay bar experience, which would have been our fourth date since the end of july) and i get a flat tire just a few miles from home, which takes me about a half hour to change because i'm bummed out and i couldn't get the stupid bolts off the wheel (which just pissed me off because i'm fairly strong). after that i was all sweaty and dirty and i kinda melted into a puddle there on the side of the road.
i just want something to work.
i've been slacking this week. i haven't written a word. i still haven't done the kweeny post for mid-september yet, and if i don't do it soon it will be the second mid-month post i've missed in a row. turning out to be a bad queen and this is only my eighth month. a friend of mine who may or may not read this blog sent me a message tonight that said "don't be tired of hoping. just because it is not what you expected it to be doesn't mean you are not where you should be." despite myself, it kinda helps a little. i don't really know how much i believe in whether there is some sort of grand cosmic plan laid out by interdimensional white mice, but it certainly helps me sympathize a little with those who do. in the least it gives me something to swear at.
he called me, the guy i was meeting -- he tried to cheer me up a little, which worked some. i think we're both realizing that i'm not exactly relationship ready, though. which is kind of unfortunate. guess we'll see what happens.
bed time. hope you're all well.