don't panic!

       hello. yes, i'm still alive. technically.

       not much to update. i've been scaling back on the dating thing. if you can call it dating. i've been seeing one guy for not quite a month now. but it's too soon to talk about it. haven't been writing, really. a little brainstorming here and there. but my heart isn't in it. my solace has been the gym, when i go. the mindless pounding, physical exertion. i don't really feel like i'm getting anywhere, but it wears me out and it makes me feel like i'm doing something.

       i've been shopping a lot. ha. they raised my credit limit. (eek!). my boss said that for every two presents you buy other people you're supposed to buy one for yourself, but i think i've been doing it the other way around. i'm reacting strangely to christmas this year. it's the first one ever that i won't be home for. in fact i'll be the only one here. so... yeah. half of me wants to pretend it's just another day, keep moving, nothing to see here. the other half loves the season and wants to jump in head first. so i'm kinda flopping all over the place instead.

       i keep meaning to live and i keep getting sidetracked. can't really remember what i was doing, though.