i'll take two, please...
Pharmaceutical giant Panazoth announced Wednesday that they have discovered a cure for the condition responsible for many cases of depression, anxiety, poor self-image, excessive obsession, mania, and stress, and which contributes directly to economic hardship and global overpopulation.
"We're very excited about this discovery," says Panazoth spokeswoman Anita Goodman. "Hopeless romantics and computer nerds all over the world will be able to take back control of their emotions. We no longer have to face the debilitating pain that plagues so many. There is now a choice!"
Panazoth has dubbed its new wonder-drug Amorex, which is available in different formulas for both men and women. According to its developers, the drug works on chemical receptors in the brain to simultaneously regulate levels of oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, norepinephrine, seratonin, and either testosterone or estrogen (depending on the formula), which are considered the main chemical offenders behind the symptoms associated with the condition commonly and often mistakenly referred to as "love." Panazoth claims that Amorex will restore normal behavior and increase productivity many times over.
"Clinical trials have been quite impressive," says Goodman. "Testers have reported fewer thoughts of suicide, a decrease in emotional eating, and most importantly a significant reduction in sentimental babbling and other generally annoying behaviors."
Panazoth expects Amorex to hit stores worldwide as early as this weekend and hopes that the drug will curb outbreaks of the "love" disease, which is usually most rampant this time of year.
"We're very excited about this discovery," says Panazoth spokeswoman Anita Goodman. "Hopeless romantics and computer nerds all over the world will be able to take back control of their emotions. We no longer have to face the debilitating pain that plagues so many. There is now a choice!"
Panazoth has dubbed its new wonder-drug Amorex, which is available in different formulas for both men and women. According to its developers, the drug works on chemical receptors in the brain to simultaneously regulate levels of oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, norepinephrine, seratonin, and either testosterone or estrogen (depending on the formula), which are considered the main chemical offenders behind the symptoms associated with the condition commonly and often mistakenly referred to as "love." Panazoth claims that Amorex will restore normal behavior and increase productivity many times over.
"Clinical trials have been quite impressive," says Goodman. "Testers have reported fewer thoughts of suicide, a decrease in emotional eating, and most importantly a significant reduction in sentimental babbling and other generally annoying behaviors."
Panazoth expects Amorex to hit stores worldwide as early as this weekend and hopes that the drug will curb outbreaks of the "love" disease, which is usually most rampant this time of year.