trying something new...

       so i've recently become a fan of writing challenges thanks to this guy. if you do not approve, please blame him, but if you do, it was all my idea. i figured this boring little blog could use a little revitalization after 5 years, though, so i'm going to try it. this is the current challenge and my first attempt:

A writing challenge from Kween_of_the_Queens!

I want you to all list 25 things that you have a positive attitude about. Sounds hard? Just think of all the things you have in your every day life that you can be positive about....yes, even the hard times! Here's to hoping your 2009 starts out on a positive note!

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a list! i don't think i've ever done one before... yes... i can do this. it'd be good for me, too, eternal optimist that i am. yes, i can hear you scoffing. stop that.

i am positive about:

• making new friends. i am quiet and usually don't have a whole lot to say, and when i do have something to say i often fumble the words quite spectacularly (my mouth can never keep up with my brain). despite this, a few people still think i'm interesting enough to get to know, even if it's the same kind of interesting as a car accident on the interstate. i also can't recall an instance where i've ever failed to make a new friend when i set my mind to it.
• cooking. it soothes me, even when i'm in a cooking frenzy. i love working with my hands to create something for others (and myself on occasion) to enjoy. i may be humble about it, but i know when i've made something good. i've actually recently heard about an open chef's position at one of my favorite local restaurants, sophia's. they don't require a lot of previous experience, and i think i'm going to try for it. wish me luck!
• my pianoing. yes, i know that's not a word. and yes, i'm fully aware that this is becoming a list of things i'm confident about, but they are somewhat linked and it's my list so you can take your negativity and... make it go away. this is a positive post. i may not be awesome at piano, but i'm not bad. i love it, actually. my second piano teacher once told me, "you can play anything you set your mind to. just take it one note at a time." and i can. i'm almost finished with butterflies and hurricanes. stupid solo arpeggios. they're killer.
• writing my book. i'm going to finish it along with several others. i have to.
• creating a new life. i don't mean kids, but maybe... someday? who knows. i mean getting out of columbia, getting out of missouri, and possibly/hopefully/maybe getting out of the states. i mean having a life surrounded by those whom i love who might occasionally deign to love me back. i want to be in a place where i don't have to be afraid of who i am and a place where i'm not alone, where i'm happy to wake up to a new day and able to fall asleep at night. a (real-life) friend (i have a few) of mine, ami (i know, right? french word for "friend" here, people), recently became tired of my whining and has resolved to send me away, if only so she doesn't have to listen to me pine away anymore. i love her.
• finishing this list. i'm on number six and doing fine. may not write as much on the others, though. this is getting long. hehe.
• finally finishing school. eight years, my friends, and i'm going to be finished in a few months. yes, this was supposed to be a four-year degree. so what? i took a few breaks, some more extended than others, but i'm finally there, and i'm not as freaked out about the whole "life after college" thing as i used to be. i have hopes now. i have dreams!
• getting control of my fitness. i gain and lose more times than oprah, usually the results of my craziness, laziness, and my myriad of other issues combined with nervous breakdowns and my mad cooking skillz. the worst was a little over a year and a half ago, but i'm over it and now i'm getting back on track, quite literally. btw, myriad is a noun, not an adjective, see? the "of" is supposed to be there.
• the new house director being nice. i met her tonight for the first time. she seems very cool. *crosses fingers and toes*
• that this is going to be a good year. i may not yet get the changes i'm hoping for, but i will be working diligently for them. and yes, i may need a kick in the pants (or several) along the way. but i will get there. oh yes, i will get there.
• becoming better at violin. i stopped playing for a few reasons, one being my grandmother's passing, another being obnoxious roommates, and another being my own lack of confidence because i didn't seem to be improving. that will change.
• becoming better at guitar. i never really stopped -- just haven't been as diligent as i need to be.
• thirteen not being unlucky. folks, this is called filler. i have to come up with twenty-five of these stinking happy things!
• being positive. as much as i would like to be, i'm not always a "glass is half full" kind of person. i'm not really a "glass is half empty" person either, but i am more prone to moping about how the liquid in the glass isn't complete without its other half and how the glass itself is suffocating the liquid and how the ambient light of the room isn't hitting said liquid in exactly the right way for it to look and feel its best. oh yeah, and how the liquid itself is too fat. i'm positive that this will also change.
• dreaming. if you recall, this topic was mentioned briefly in bullet number seven. i have tried many times to give up on my dreams. quite unfortunately i was successful in doing so with perhaps my greatest. it actually hurts to think that i don't want it as much anymore, and it hurts even more to realize that i probably could have had it if i kept working at it. yes, part of me still wants it. anyway, i'm positive that i will not give up on my current dreams (see bullet four), even though i've tried almost as hard to give up on it as i did the first.
• all these silly daydreams becoming reality. related to the last but more specifically about bullet five. i'm sitting in front of my fireplace (great for the laptop, i know) and i keep getting lost in the flames. i know it's kinda cheating to say it again like this, but i really want nothing more at the moment.
• my little brother's marriage. i probably shouldn't mention it here, but i've been really worried about him. they married young and a little too quickly, and they have issues (like any couple, i suppose). but i've been really impressed with the way they seem to be working through them.
• not letting the fact that i'm twenty-five and have never been in a *serious* relationship get to me too much, even though most of my old friends and many of my current friends are in them. it'll happen when it happens. *shrugs*
• dang fire. it's too bewitching. i'm positive about being very cozy and warm right now despite the negative temperatures outside (no joke!). it's kinda wonderful, actually. and the bread in my oven smells really good.
• the new movies i got for christmas. i absolutely love movies. love can't be emphasized enough, but it'd be a little silly if i really did emphasize it like i ought to. just imagine the underlines and the circles and the arrows pointing to love in that sentence. i even got a book/movie combo of "howl's moving castle." yup. be jealous.
• harry potter and the half-blood prince being released in u.s. theaters on july 17th. because if they move it again, heads will roll.
• the little stuffed black sheep that jordan bought for me. she knows me too well. we named him "eunique" because he's a eunuch (we looked) and also unique (black sheep).
• trying to be a better person. i've been allowing myself to molder a little too much.
• this movie i'm about to watch being awesome. "son of rambow." it's been recommended by about fifty bajillion people and i'm finally sitting down to watch it, old lady cross-stitch in hand.
• my life, past, present, and future. this is bullet twenty-five, i'm twenty-five years old, and i'm determined to be positive about all of the years i've had and all of the years still to come.

eunique says "mooo"
(he's a confused little sheep)