my bones are tired. things are weird and i'm ready for a break. one more day of class before spring break, then brandon and logan and jon and i are leaving for a weekend camping trip. hopefully it will be exactly what i've been looking for lately. wish us luck, though: it's supposed to be cold. i just feel like toppling over backwards into a nice feather bed and sleeping for fifty years.
i’m so readyfor break. had a spanish test today that i’d forgotten about. that was fun. i still
have a ton of homework to do. took this weird quiz this afternoon in search of
relief from work. based on the idea that colors are associated with certain
moods, it determines your mood and current situation based on the different
colors you choose. haha. definitely feeling a bit anti-social at the moment.
Your
Existing Situation:
Having difficulty in standing up to the demands imposed on him. Finds a great
effort is involved and wishes to have the situation eased.
Your Stress Sources:
Wishes to be independent, unhampered, and free from any limitation or
restriction, other than those which he imposes of himself or by his own choice
and decision.
Your
Restrained Characteristics:
Trying to calm down and unwind after a period of over-agitation which has left
him listless and devoid of energy. In need of peace and quiet; becomes
irritable if this is denied him. Exacting in his emotional demands, especially
during moments of intimacy leaving him frustrated in his desire for a perfect
union. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Sensitive and
sentimental, but conceals this from all except those very close to him.
Unwilling to participate and wishes to avoid all forms of stimulation. Has had
to put up with too much of a tiring or exhausting nature and now desires
protection and noninvolvement.
Your Actual Problem:
Fears that his independence will be threatened or severely restricted unless he
protects himself from outside influence. Does not want to be bothered.
so we went to see "firewall" last night. i wouldn't recommend it, except maybe to rent. eh. but after the movie we went to one of my favorite restaurants:
yes, that's my dulce de leche--one of the best cheesecakes ever. but why is it in a to-go box? because i can't eat it for another month. it is currently wrapped all nice and snug in its box with various plastics and foils to protect it from the cold of the freezer. yes, it will be mine. so i'm about to go for a walk. it's good to be home. 
later.
it's friday and i'm headed home! so excited. tonight it's a celebration with the family and tomorrow morning it's plasma-time! well, yay for the family part at least. let's hope i don't pass out this time like i did the last. goodness. so i saw this movie trailer online the other day and one line really stuck in my mind, but i knew i had heard it somewhere before. come to find out, i had read it on mags's xanga (click) a few days ago. then i found this cool picture and i put the two together (really difficult stuff, that copy and paste). click on it to make it larger and you can read it for yourself. hope everyone has a great weekend!
tonight i got to wish my father a good day at work tomorrow. i never thought i'd be so happy about something like that. today was his first day back after a rather stressful month, and things seem to be going well so far. so yay for that. it was so gorgeous today. after church tonight we put the top down in brandon's car and took a little drive. ended up being a little longer than we expected because we got lost in farmlandville, missouri. we had the heat on and the top down and radio going. even had to dig out a map to find our way back. have you ever passed a semi going the other way on a two-lane road in a convertible? like a wind tunnel. absolutely amazing night. got a pretty easy rest of the week, then it's home for the weekend! my first time this semester and i'm excited. that other first time didn't work out, so this is gonna be the real first time. i miss my cat. and i'm so ready to be back in my own bed. aaahhh...
that's all i got for now, though. hope y'all have a happy thursday. later.
brandon totally broke my toe. it's all purple and swollen and throbbing. nasty stuff.
have i ever told you how much i love movies? i love movies. i haven't seen a lot of the ones that were up for the oscars tonight, but i love movies. i've always wanted to do something in the movies. maybe someday.
i wonder if you've ever sat up in your bed on some ordinary day and wondered that you weren't in the right place?
if i slept for a week straight, my roommates wouldn't even notice.
my toe hurts. 
because i'm bored and i can.
four jobs i’ve had in my life: four movies i could watch many times in a row: four places i have lived: four tv shows i love to watch:
four places i’ve been on vacation: four web sites i visit daily: four of my favorite foods: four singers/groups i can’t live without: four places i’d rather be than here:
four people i’m tagging...
this was fun.
so i can't say that it didn't go exactly how i thought it would. it wasn't exactly scientific, but i learned what i needed to know. seven people helped me out with this (results below), and all of them said basically the same thing. my friends, my name is chris, and i am a wallflower.
so that book i read last night? it hurt. there's a lot of things in that "unknown" section below that i'd like to be. a couple things that stood out to me as i read: "sometimes people use thought to not participate in life" (chbosky 24). ouch. have you heard of the myers-briggs type sorter? it's a personality test. my profile? "most contemplative." the "counselor/idealist." essentially, the wallflowers almost exactly as they are described in the book. and it's true. this dang xanga is the perfect example. this dang post is the perfect example. another thing that stood out to me was the back cover. the first two sentences are, "standing on the fringes of life offers a unique perspective. but there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor." i'm twenty-two, and i've never danced (literally or figuratively). the kid in the book was a freshman in high school. it's way past time.
caring, dependable, giving, intelligent, observant
calm, clever, complex, friendly, introverted, kind, knowledgeable, logical, loving, mature, modest, patient, quiet, reflective, searching, shy, sympathetic, tense, trustworthy, wise
idealistic
able, accepting, adaptable, bold, brave, cheerful, confident, dignified, energetic, extroverted, happy, helpful, independent, ingenious, nervous, organized, powerful, proud, relaxed, religious, responsive, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, silly, spontaneous, warm, witty
my fingers have been itching for something to do and i'm in a fairly good mood so i thought a nice xanga post would be appropriate. like a bowl of ice cream. just cozy up and indulge yourself in your favorite flavor of xanga. yes, as a matter of fact, i did just make that connection and there's nothing you can do about it. so i've decided to give up ice cream for lent (because it's one of my favorite things), and while we don't do lent in my church, my catholic friend said that it would be okay because it's all about the thought. i did french fries last year, but i decided to up the ante a little. so now i'm doing french fries and ice cream. i don't know how i'm going to get through it either. but today's the day...the carnaval, mardi gras, fat tuesday, whatever you call it. it's my day. there are four of us giving up ice cream, so we're all meeting at coldstone tonight to have one last hoorah. yes, there will be pictures. (below)
so i just had a ham and cheese sandwich and i probably should have left out the ham. it was about two shakes shy of becoming a science experiment in the fridge.
just got my new book in the mail today and i'm excited. i had two people recommend it within about a week, so i went to amazon.com, read the first chapter or so (because they're cool like that) and decided to get a copy (lightly used, of course--much cheaper that way). "the perks of being a wallflower" by stephen ciabattabread. actually, it's chbosky. but i'm a bit of a wallflower myself, so i thought it might be interesting. we shall see.
um...yeah, definitely should have left out the ham.
good week so far. had a test on thursday that was postponed, so that's always a good thing. especially in that class. march is my month for speakers at rcm, so i'm excited about the line-up. can you believe it's march already? well, very nearly. hmmm. crazy. welp, stuff to do, so we'll chat more later.
::edit:: we're all good now. found a candy cane that's telling that slimy little oinker to quiet down. oh, and if you're bored, do this for me, then do it for you.
::edit:: so here it is. i look pretty chubby in this one, actually (just for the record, i wear smaller jeans than brandon, at least in the waist). maybe this whole lent thing will be good after all. and brandon and i decided tonight to attempt sweets in general, too, not just the ice cream and french fries (well, french fries for me, soda for him). we'll see how long that lasts.
oh. my. goodness. you have no idea how glad i am that this week is over. had two tests and a story due, all of them went mediocrely. yes, i just made an adjective into an adverb that probably has a better form but it's friday and i don't care. what a week. i even overdrafted my checking account 
. but, i did get an e-mail today from the school saying that they had decided to give me an extra grant for some odd reason, and since i'm already all paid up, i will be receiving a check for a nice little amount in the next week or so. 
. um...chris is happy. watch, now, i'll get another e-mail on monday saying that it was a mistake and that they are rescinding the grant. ah, well, it made me happy for a while at least.
so excited. nada hacer esta fin de semana. well, i will be going to look for a job tomorrow. other than that...free as a bird. this one won't be a lazy one like the last few have, though. i'm feeling up to doing some work. this place needs to be cleaned in the worst possible way. the whole house. and after writing that wretch of a short story, i've been feeling up to getting something accomplised on mi libro. yeah, so time to get to it. hope you all have a great weekend and i might be around later. adios!
so it might be a little premature. but it was a very nice day today and it felt like the right thing. maybe if we get anymore winter i'll switch it back (cause i must say that the winter one is definitely my favorite). but it is good to have a little color in here. so i wrote a story tonight. definitely not going to post it, though. it's a tad dark. but it might work. and i kinda like it. i'm honestly not that worried about how it will do in workshop because that class is kind of a joke. but we'll see. goodness, i need to relax. later.
i've decided that i'd like to go to new zealand sometime. well, i've really wanted to go for quite a while, but i had lord of the rings on last night while doing homework and i just thought it would be the thing to do. i haven't traveled in so long, and i love to travel. love it. that's why becoming a famous writer and going around the world works for me. no cubicles and such.
crazy week ahead. spanish test wednesday, story due thursday, and brit. lit. test friday. then all the regular homework on top of that. i know! this semester was so great until this week. then they had to go and ruin it with stupid tests. what's a boy to do?
went shopping last night. sam's and wal-mart. yeah, that's right. bought a huge box of honey bunches of oats (with almonds, thank you very much) and a rotisserie chicken (i didn't believe him, but it was brandon's recommendation and...uh...wow...one of the best i've ever had, let me tell you. if you have a sam's nearby, go get one now), then brandon and i went in on some provolone, cheese balls, and a cheesecake. we're cheesy guys, i guess. heh. the healthy food run was last weekend, so don't worry. yeah, i just told you guys what i bought at the grocery store last night. you must be feeling so fulfilled right now.
i'm sorry that i haven't had much to say lately. yet another dry spell, i suppose. the best writing happens after these. haha. don't get your hopes up, though. i haven't had time to do all that much, and the time i do have i'm usually too zoned out to do anything. things are going relatively well, though. the thing at dad's work is starting to come to a head. the guy didn't make his bond, so if he doesn't turn it over quick they're sending in u.s. marshals to make it happen. could be a week, could be a few months, but he'll have his job back after that. so happy things. i'm going to try and get another job, too. hy-vee just isn't scheduling me, so after 7 years, it's time to cut a few strings. not all of them, of course, but enough.
poll #1: is my text too small? poll #2: is it time for spring yet (ie should i change the layout)?
man, i have so much work to do. better get to it. later.
so last night was good (photo below). brandon, logan, and i went to a masquerade party for the singles of an on-campus youth group. we got there and no one was wearing a mask, so ours came off fairly quickly (only logan was brave enough to wear his the entire night...that pic was taken in the safety of the liahona house). it was a great little party, and much better than the alternative. i really didn't want to go, actually, but brandon talked me into it. and i'm glad he did. we had a good time.
[as a note on monday's protected post (i've already taken it down, so don't worry if you didn't read it): the situation has changed, but the stuff that matters has been worked out, as usual. it's now become an entirely different story, good and bad. an explanation later, perhaps.]
and that's all i have to say about that. not a good day. just take my word for it. in other news, i still have no idea what i'm going to write for this story. i have a week and a half, but i'm still getting nervous about it. maybe i'll write about being alone on valentine's day. completely original concept, don't you think? yeah, so i'm not exactly sure what to do: there's this girl that i've liked for...well...quite a while. it's been largely an admiration from a distance, and so far i haven't really made the decision to go for it. it's a very carefully measured process, you see. but on her birthday every year i've bought her a rose and a cookie that says "happy birthday, katy" and placed it on her doorstep. one of my best friends, brandon, was there both times for moral support. it's a bit cowardly not to do it in person, and i know that i should just strap on a pair and do something, but it hadn't really struck me as the time yet. this year after we had carried out the tradition, they asked brandon and i if it had been one of us. i admitted to it, but i did it in such a purposely careless way that she didn't believe me. but i don't think she wanted to, either. brandon asked her out for valentine's day last night. she said yes so fast and so excitedly, i realized that she wanted it to be him. i mean, he's my best friend. of course i'm not going to say anything. and i didn't ask, neither was i going to. so i have to be okay with it. i guess i'm not asking advice on what to do. i know what to do. i just wanted to talk it out. thanks for listening.
so that's enough of that. i need a shower. later, taters.
so, yeah, i don't know how you kept up with all my posts this week. so many of them. it's been a good one, actually, and not as crazy as i expected it to be. i did all right on that test, despite being nervous from the day before. i was one point away from an 'a' which i'm still kicking myself over, but at least i can recover from that. the professor graded very hard, though. "oh, you weren't reading my mind on how to answer this question even though you know exactly what it's about? no points!" ah, well. i still like the class. the only crazy thing is that i'm starting to deconstruct people's sentences as they speak. hmmm...now was that a demonstrative "that" or a complementizer "that"? yes, definitely a complementizer. the "that" in that sentence was definitely a demonstrative, though. oh, so was that one. and that one! they're all over!
things are still up in the air as far as dad's job goes. there was a hearing on thursday to decide if there would be an appeal. the judge gave the guy a week to come up with a one million dollar bond, which they don't think he'll be able to. but who knows. please pray for the situation, preferably that he wouldn't be able to come up with that bond, but mostly for God's will. he can see the end far better than any of us.
i'm very happy that the weekend is here. the week did go by awfully fast, though. but i haven't had six hours of sleep in one night all week. it was wonderful to sleep in this morning (9:30). this one will be a bit more involved than the last, which is good. have a few things to do. and i never did come up with anything for a story. i have one idea, but it's starting to sound really cliche (i.e. stupid). i definitely think more abstractly, so coming up with an external conflict was never my strong suit. any ideas that have an internal and external conflict? bring 'em on.
i apologize for not being on and getting around to visit everyone. later, maybe. i'm excited, though, cause we're making waffles for breakfast. take care.
today was my hump day, so i'm not at all sorry that the working part of it is over. final draft of a paper was also due and i had my first linguistics test. the paper was stupid, but you can't get a bad grade if you turn in the work. what, is he going to call me a bad writer? (i'm not saying that in an egotistical way, just stating how ridiculous it is). and i have mixed emotions about how the test went. you never know on first tests, how hard she'll grade or if it will be curved. i really hope it's curved...there's a lot of us stupid english majors in there. but i wasn't completely stumped on anything, so that's a good sign. tonight will be leisurely spent (yes, that's a split infinitive. stuff it). i haven't written anything in a couple days, so it will be good to sit down at it again. basketball game later tonight. gots ta love them l-house squirrels. feisty, but ultimately we're just rodents with big hair. and we saw one of the guys on the other team. he's big. and he doesn't miss. yeah.
crazy day yesterday. i purposely didn't post until today. dad lost his job. their company was taken over a few years ago, but there was a lawsuit over the thing and the judge ruled it illegal. so the new guy has to give everything back to the old guy, including several millions of dollars. we don't know if there is going to be an appeal (hearing on thursday), but if there is it could take quite a while. in the meantime, the new guy fired my dad and my uncle (who also worked there) because of who knows why, but the fact that he's worked there for 20 years probably has something to do with it. so we're hoping the old guy gets it back quickly (i.e. dad would have a job again).
i won't say that i'm not scared. my mind was jumping all over the place yesterday (will i have to drop out of school to work? how could i afford to live if i stayed in school? will i have to get another job? can caleb afford to live?), but none of these really bore any great weight. i was actually surprised how calm i was. it's weird, though, that i have a sort of dual nature. part of me is still nervous, but the rest knows it will work out. the Lord will provide. always does.
hmm. so i need some ideas for a story. the one i have isn't working so well. anybody? just throw something out there. i'll pay you a royalty should it go anywhere. the eleventh percent. no, not eleven percent, just the eleventh percent. so one percent, actually. and not a penny less.
ah...the long boring posts are back. did you miss them? you know you did. later, taters.
feeling good for nothing. seriously, i've accomplished very little this weekend. oh, wait, i cleared off my desk. man, now there's an achievement. i should win the nobel prize. eh, that's good every once in a while, though, to have a lazy weekend. i took some well-given advice and pretty much bummed around, sleeping in, eating junk (extra time at the gym this week, i think), and watching movies. fun times. first linguistics test this week and i'm already shaking in my boots. we'll see how that goes. otherwise the week shouldn't be too horrible. hmm. that's all i got. what do y'all think of the short posts? thought i'd give you a break from the usual books, for a change. take care.
ummm...you gotta be kidding. new planet, tenth from the sun. that's all well and good. they've been talking about that for quite some time now. guess what they're calling it? xena. as in "warrior princess." it's moon? gabrielle. yeah. someone joked that lucy lawless would sue and win the planet in the settlement. insane. no, they're not actually naming it that, but that's what they're calling it in the meantime. just another proof that tv is taking over the world.
onto much better news, a couple friends had a beautiful baby boy on wednesday afternoon. samuel henry. his daddy is our pastor here in columbia and i was his mom's t.a. in high school. can't wait to meet him.
it's weekend time. no plans and loving it. might do some homework...maybe. :) later.
the longer i live the less i understand about human nature, including my own. we're such fragile creatures. the smallest things can gum up the works of the strongest relationships, and the most harmless of actions can destroy lives. you don't realize how much you love someone until something there is threatened, whether it be the relationship or the person. and when that threat is such a sticky mess, it almost doesn't seem worth the hurt of trying to clean it. but the people that love you the most will always be there.
“it is better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove any doubt.”
-abraham lincoln
“they sicken of the calm, those who know the storm.”
-dorothy parker
“youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. but old men are guilty if they forget what is was to be young.”
-j. k. rowling
“no wind favors him who has no destined port.”
-michel de montaigne
“be great in little things.”
-st. frances xavier
“for thy sweet love, remembered, such wealth brings, that then i scorn to change my state with kings.”
-william shakespeare
“if you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”
-j. k. rowling
“do or do not, there is no try.”
-yoda
“a man who pretends to understand women has bad manners. for him to really understand them is bad morals.”
-henry james
“has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? there are better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
-c. s. lewis
“darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
-martin luther king, jr.
“the possible's slow fuse is lit, by the imagination.”
-emily dickinson
“if love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”
-lily tomlin
“hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent.”
-jean kerr
“friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... it has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”
-c. s. lewis
“the ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity.”
-ayn rand
“it is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
-j. k. rowling
“you gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. you are able to say to yourself, 'i lived through this horror. i can take the next thing that comes along.”
-eleanor roosevelt
“i dare you to move.”
-switchfoot
“optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”
-helen keller
“to see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.”
-william blake
“just play. have fun. enjoy the game.”
-michael jordan
“a man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.”
-c. s. lewis
“where there is no struggle, there is no strength.”
-oprah winfrey
“every man's life is a fairy tale written by God's fingers.”
-hans christian andersen
“by small and simple things, are great things brought to pass.”
-alma
“you can't do anything to help your team win when you don't play.”
-freddy adu
“experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn at no other.”
-benjamin franklin
“my motto was always to keep swinging. whether i was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging.”
-hank aaron
“wisdom begins in wonder.”
-socrates
"when we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. but to grow up is to accept vulnerability... to be alive is to be vulnerable."
-madeleine l'engle
"you can't force someone to love you. to be loved, all that even the most powerful person can do is stand there with open arms."
-josiah (dfault312)
"when i said, my foot slippeth; thy mercy, o Lord, held me up. in the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul."
-psalms 94:18-19 (kjv)
"the land seemed full of creaking and cracking and sly noises, but there was no sound of voice or of foot. far above [mountains] in the west the night-sky was still dim and pale. there, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. the beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. for like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was a light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach."
-j.r.r. tolkien
"above all, we must realize that no arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. it is a weapon our adversaries in today's world do not have."
-ronald reagan
"you can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. you have to go to them sometimes."
-a.a. milne
"it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
-antoine de saint-exupéry
"a round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. he must have time to modify his shape."
-mark twain
"what's coming will come and we'll just have to meet it when it does."
-j. k. rowling
"music doesn't lie. if there is something to be changed in this world, then it can only happen through music."
-jimi hendrix
"if a thing loves, it is infinite."
-william blake
"when a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream."
-paulo coelho
"if homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "hello. can't work today, still queer."
-robin tyler
“watch out he's winding the watch of his wit, by and by it will strike.”
-william shakespeare