bein' green...

     i'm really tired of complaining on this thing, but, to top all others, this has been the week from hell. i can't even imagine what all of you think of me, those receiving my posts in their inboxes (there's a few under 50 of you, i think). i really don't complain this much, but this is definitely an outlet for me when i don't really have anywhere else to go. especially those of you who actually know me and are probably thinking "this guy is a bit psycho," just take it with a grain of salt, i guess. i'm generally a happy person, or i try to be.

     currently making time go by in pershing commons on campus while i'm waiting for my outlet to top all outlets to become unoccupied. no, it's not a bathroom, though that's a good outlet, too. erg. i'm waiting for the music room downstairs. there's a decent piano in there and it's been so long since i've been able to sit down at a piano by myself and just let my fingers go to work. it's almost muscle memory now. i've been playing for about 15 years (that sounds impressive, but i practice almost never and i'm really not that good--but i love it). rcm just let out (well, i guess it's been a while now), but all the other guys went to the gym to play basketball. it's not easy bein' green. that's most of why this week has been so difficult, actually, from things that come out of being so dang different. i've gone to the gym every day this week, though, (which just doubled the number of times i've been this semester) and i'm so glad that i've been able to pound some frustrations out. i'm not sure where i'd be if i hadn't. things don't slow down, though, you know? i don't know if this is something from the Good Guy or the bad one, but life has just been relentless. classes are crazy, relationships are crazy, work is crazy (and therefore money is crazy), and even church stuff seems crazy lately. oddly enough, doing all of this work for the rcm olympics has been really fun, even though that's been stressful in it's own way. i've loved writing all of these poems/riddles for the scavenger hunt, though, and the quiz bowl questions have been interesting. then there's that whole "beast in the jungle"-esque monster that is 'life after college', looming in the near future. i still have no idea what i'm going to do, and if one more person asks me, it will take every ounce of energy i can muster (of which there isn't much left) to keep from bursting into tears while simultaneously getting them in a strangle hold until they take it back. and, no, i haven't been writing. i don't even have time to be doing this. and i have a feeling that i shouldn't be writing a children's novel while slightly insane, lest i have all my characters suddenly kill themselves. that would kinda put a damper on a sequel.

     but i am still here, and i am still kicking (and screaming), and while i'm begging for the end, deep down i know that, somehow, all of this is good for me. life experience. and crap. and if i beg for the end and am granted my wish, that will put me that much closer to having to worry about life after may 2007. but the next two weeks will not be fun. three papers (combined 25-30 pages) and two tests, all due the week after next. but i lost three pounds this week (so far--let's make it thirty more by saturday). that's a good thing. a small, good thing. man, i have, like, five allusions in this post and i bet no one will pick up on them. 'cept maybe the kermit one. my stupid literary mind will not stop. it's insanely frustrating.

     k, i'm gonna go see if the piano room is open now. later.