tired...

     they say that change begins in that moment when you realize you can't take any more. let me tell you, friends, i'm hurting for change. school is almost done, thankfully. this time next week i'll be either home or close to it. but then there are the hours, the days, the weeks at home sitting alone and wondering what my friends are doing, wondering why they haven't called, wondering if i should call them. i don't want to end up as one of those unhappy characters, the ones that don't believe in love anymore for whatever reason. i read about those characters. it never ends well for them. if change begins in that moment when you realize you can't take any more, i've been changing for a long time. i feel myself becoming one of those characters. i'm honestly not sure that i really believe in love anymore. tell me, how do you change from that?

     currently sitting in ellis. it's been ages since i've done this. i'm supposed to be revising a short story for my creative writing class, but somehow it's not on my jump-drive anymore and the one on here is too old. i'll just e-mail it to her later. i have two other papers to write tonight. my professor in another class gave us an extension on our paper, otherwise i'd have that to do also. i got about four and a half hours of sleep last night. worked this morning. i know i'm not the only one. but i'm just tired. last night wasn't good. i'm dreading school being out, but i really can't wait to be done with these classes.

     i can't see how things are going to get better. it's not despair. when you struggle with something or someone for so long, eventually you just run out. you're tired of it. i don't think i did anything, or at least i don't know if i did. or if it's just me--if it's just who i am. sometimes people are just too different. i have to believe that God know's what he's doing. i have to believe that this isn't just a test that i'm failing miserably. i have to believe that there's a plan in all this, that good will come of it. i want to be a friend. but i don't know how.