wine and chocolate and toasty fires...

       currently cozying up to the fire with a bit of chocolate and a glass of the blush that we never got a chance to open when you were here. starting to feel a slight flush in my cheeks after only a few sips. always was the lightweight. wishing that you would call, but i know the phone won't ring tonight. we connected, yes, but you're also starting to see how crazy i can be and it scares me--scares me how much i like you, scares me how desperate i am for connection. you were going to come see me next weekend but something came up. isn't that the way it goes?

       i should be writing. replies to send to people who are expecting them and new e-crushes who aren't expecting anything but in whom i've found that sort of soul-kin that i rarely come across, but whom i'm too nervous to start talking to in case they start to see how crazy i can be or in case we have those awkward silences and they find me boring and unintelligent. had an idea earlier that fleshed out an old story i've been working on for half a decade, but it makes me nervous to put any effort into it in case it fails. yes, even a little flushed with wine i seem to play the part of the coward quite well. they should make pills for people like me. oh wait, they do. i'm just the guy with the minimum wage job who can't afford them. i'm scared of pills anyway.

       i finally start to come out of my little hole in the ground and i'm being scared by my shadow. i don't think i can stand six more weeks of winter.