yes, i'll take the mulligan...
a big one, please. no, the really big one. somewhere in the eight to ten years range. yes, that one, thanks. now how does this thing work? oh, it doesn't? shit. now what?
i've just decided that i want the last decade of my life back. this last one? yeah, totally screwed it up on so many different levels. you see, the cruel thing about time is that it keeps going. and i keep spiraling. i want to be done. this ride needs to stop. i'm going to be sick.
i should definitely be on meds right now.
you see, i'm a failure in school. i've always been pretty dang bored with it so i never tried. didn't see a point. i never really cared about having a plan in life. didn't really want one in the first place. starting to realize as i'm thinking about grad school that i really should have. oh yeah, and with finances? i suck. i'm horrible with money. i have problems and i ignore them until people threaten to sue. i was close to being sued by four companies. now it's just one. awesome. hmm. love life? haha. yeah. i think people are happiest with me when they're walking away. or when they can sign off. and my friends have been showing me lately that i'm pretty much a self-centered prick. i don't return messages/e-mails. i don't answer my phone. i don't come out of my room. even my online friends uninstall their instant messengers to keep from having to talk to me. i work for minimum wage at a sandwich shop, serving people i used to work with who are on their way to success, handing over a side of ranch with a smile to the professors who thought i'd go places, then i come home and i disappear into books and movies to keep myself from living my own life, because, honestly, it keeps me alive. hi, i'm chris, and i suck at life. don't get me wrong, my life doesn't suck. there are billions of people out there who have it harder than i do. no--it's just me.
please, sir, may i have another?
screw optimism. i'm thankful for alcohol. and for comfort food binges. and for being able to smile when i don't mean it.
<== like that.
i should definitely be on meds right now.
you see, i'm a failure in school. i've always been pretty dang bored with it so i never tried. didn't see a point. i never really cared about having a plan in life. didn't really want one in the first place. starting to realize as i'm thinking about grad school that i really should have. oh yeah, and with finances? i suck. i'm horrible with money. i have problems and i ignore them until people threaten to sue. i was close to being sued by four companies. now it's just one. awesome. hmm. love life? haha. yeah. i think people are happiest with me when they're walking away. or when they can sign off. and my friends have been showing me lately that i'm pretty much a self-centered prick. i don't return messages/e-mails. i don't answer my phone. i don't come out of my room. even my online friends uninstall their instant messengers to keep from having to talk to me. i work for minimum wage at a sandwich shop, serving people i used to work with who are on their way to success, handing over a side of ranch with a smile to the professors who thought i'd go places, then i come home and i disappear into books and movies to keep myself from living my own life, because, honestly, it keeps me alive. hi, i'm chris, and i suck at life. don't get me wrong, my life doesn't suck. there are billions of people out there who have it harder than i do. no--it's just me.
please, sir, may i have another?
screw optimism. i'm thankful for alcohol. and for comfort food binges. and for being able to smile when i don't mean it.
<== like that.