watch party...
i'm currently sitting in ellis library on the mu campus. i had lunch with a friend today and was nearby, so i thought i'd stop in and write a bit. and of course i had to get on xanga. 
i have a guest account that i can use for the rest of the week, but i've been so busy i'm not sure how much i'll be able to get out here. as much as i should be writing, i really need to be packing. ha. i have so much stuff left to do. and saturday's the big day. kinda crazy. and the research book that i've been needing is checked out and not due till september 9th, so looks like i'll have to find it in independence's kinda scrawny library system. if i'm still allowed in the building. haha. i don't know how many times i've been banned from that place because of overdue books. i think i'm good now, though. but this could be my last time to ellis, at least for a very long time. kinda sad. i used to live at this place.
so tonight's the big glee season finale! i'm excited, especially because they're supposed to be singing "over the rainbow" and queen's "bohemian rhapsody." um. yeah. so. i have a small watch party thing going, but a few have backed out and several have given vague responses and it will probably end up being me on the couch with a bunch of food which, frankly, i'd probably be ok with. except it's been raining today and i probably won't get a chance to get out on the trail. i've gone 19 miles so far this week, ended up with 40 last week, so we're doing ok. i can afford to pig out a little. i'm making peanut butter chocolate chip cookies and i'm kinda making up the recipe so we'll see how it goes, but you can't really mess up peanut butter and chocolate. we've had this discussion before, i believe. it's just amazing.
day thirteen. how do you think others view you?
i really don't know. i get mixed vibes from everyone, but there are probably going to be as many different opinions as there are people who know me. i've had several women tell me how awesome they think i am because i'm interested in theater and cooking and i'm clean and am into music and write, but then they discover that i'm gay and suddenly they don't like me anymore. heh. and i know i can be a smart-ass, but i usually try to be such only to people with whom there is a mutual comfort with such behavior. i know i complain a lot about things that i can probably change if i work on it, and i do tend to get bogged down fairly often and throw pity parties, but there is a lot of work to be done there and i think it's perfectly acceptable to bitch and moan to a few friends by the by so long as i'm trying, and likewise i don't mind the good tongue lashing when i need it, though i may not say that i appreciate it at the time. i don't know what people think. i really don't think that they spend any significant time thinking about me, so i try not to worry about it too much, but sure, sometimes i still do. and i'm not sure that i would always want to know anyway. but i still very much value the opinions of my friends. i'll always value that. so i don't really mind what people think -- they're definitely entitled to think whatever they want -- but in general the one thing i would like people to see is hope for me. like, maybe he won't turn out to be such a waste of space after all. that'd be nice.