but if not...

       i'm seriously sorry about that last entry. it was total bunk. haha. i can say that now because i was already paid the $5 to put it up and, as many of you know, i'm currently short a job so i took it. well, that's not really an excuse because that five dollars was paid in amazon.com gift certificates and went towards mario kart wii. i'm in love with the wii. (yeah, dave, i no longer need friends, either, just for that reason. ) i'm part of amazon's mechanical turk team of artificial artificial intelligence, which is pretty much a legal sweat shop, but it sounds almost kinda cool and it's fun and i put all my earnings (which now total a little less than $20 over a few months) towards toys. you should check it out if you have nothing better to do.

       so with my last real post, i received some rather good advice from dave and matt to not force the creativity. i'm not being facetious, it totally rocked. the weird thing is, i haven't written a dang thing since, but at the same time i've had more ideas running through my head than i can keep up with. the tricky part is trying to pick out the ones that won't shrivel up and die if they ever see daylight. the scary thing is that i think i've realized what this little fairy tale i've been writing for three years now needs. 80 pages written so far, and i don't think i can keep any of them, entirely. and the hard part is that these ideas often come in little incomplete clips and phrases, not even with characters, but ideas that i want to get across in the telling. but i've been reading a lot and keeping netflix busy with turnarounds. latest read was the alchemist by paulo coelho. it's similar to the little prince, which is one of my favorites, and it's about finding and pursuing your "personal legend." in other words, it gives you an excuse to dream. highly recommended. i've also been re-re-re-re-re-reading harry potter. and i'm falling in love with shakespeare again. next on the list is ian mcewan's atonement. i cheated and watched the movie first, but it was good. and i love the story of dunkirk. "but if not." that wasn't in the film, but i can't imagine that he would use dunkirk without thinking about that. (if you're not familiar with the story, go here and read about it. seriously, it's pretty cool.) i've been thinking about that, though. but if not. haha. there's a lot of bravery in those words, maybe even a lot of faith. i want to write, but if not... man, i'm not even sure how to finish that. i don't want there to be alternatives. that requires a lot of trust. God has been making me do loop-de-loops recently, but that's a post for another time. that's going to be a long one, too. coming soon. mwa ha ha.

       so i'm thinking about a masters in journalism. this coming from someone who has professed his hatred of journalistic writing for the last seven years (and gotten into some trouble for it). this should be interesting. anyway, i hope you all are having a wonderful weekend and out with friends instead of surfing the web on a friday evening/saturday morning. more later. take it easy.

<edit> disclaimer on that article link: i just googled "but not if" and that was the first relevant result. i'm only drawing your attention to the relevant first part of that post and am not commenting on or trying to state an opinion in regards to the remainder. </edit>

happy thanksgiving...

       it snowed on my way home from columbia last night, hence the change in scenery. i was ready for it, too. it's good to be home. right now i'm sitting by the fire and watching a movie with the 'rents. i was supposed to be going to the plaza lighting with friends -- well, i was going largely to see brandon. i don't know. i don't like large groups and i wasn't really feeling very social. and i wasn't sure of the plans. so i'm home. and i'm comfortable.

       it really has been good to be back. this is the first time i've been back since june, and i was happy to see that my cat still remembered me. after teaching my grandmother how to play tennis and bowling on the wii (quite fun), i made dessert for our big family thing today. pecan pie, french silk pie, and baked caramel apples. dinner was fun. smaller than usual and the kids seemed to be more energetic than ever. which means i got them. so i riled them up properly, then sent them back to their parents. they had it coming.

       i probably should have gone to the plaza. we might be doing something tomorrow instead, though. anyway, i didn't really have anything to say, but i wanted to wish you all a happy thanksgiving. take care.

pointless update #826...

       so it's been a while. what have you all been up to? hopefully all's well. nothing really new or exciting going on here, hence my lack of posts. in fact, things have been pretty much exactly the same. yup.

       except i'm considering trashing my book. i haven't worked on it seriously since spring break. looked at it tonight and it was bad. almost painful. after two and a half years, the wishing well might not be. i'm not making a decision yet because external influences might be playing a part. but right now i'm just not feeling it.

       and i bought a wii. it makes me happy. i hardly play it, but it brings other people into my room and it's fun. i've never owned a gaming system before. i don't have many games for it yet, so it'll be better once i get a couple. guitar hero three comes out in october! and super smash bros. brawl in december. haha. and i'm getting zelda this week.

       the novelty of the candy factory has officially worn off. it's a job. parts of it i still like. but parts of it are kinda driving me crazy. for now the paycheck is keeping me where i am. it's nice to have a paycheck.

       i'm tired. i'm going to bed. let me know how everything's going. i'm bad about getting around to everyone, i know, and i'm sorry. and there aren't that many to "get around to." i usually just get on at bad times. erg. i love you guys. i'll be around eventually.